Fuck A One Night Stand

You heard me, I said it, I meant it, fuck a one night stand. I actually have no beef with that at all. They’re just not for me. Sex is important to me, as it is to all of us, and in my mind you get to know someone after you fuck them and let them fuck you. It’s beautiful really, peeling back the layers and getting to know them more and more and learning what their body likes and how they like to move and how that can affect you. So why throw all that away after one night? Seriously? Why find someone who you can groom to bring you to fruition and toss them away after just one night? That seems a little premature. *giggles*

I’d much rather have a 5 night stand. 5 nights of great sex, getting better, getting hotter, getting more comfortable, getting more excited as your partner learns what you like and vice versa, and then looking for someone new. Plus it really lowers the need to go out trolling for ass every weekend. We all do it, no shame in it, but it gets exhausting. My way offers a 1 week relationship where every night is better than the last and you can just coast on that glow for the next few weeks.

All that being said, I’m a degenerate and an asshole and an idiot, so who really knows.

The Cheater PT3

I know you guys are sick of these posts, so, ya know, last one. I’ve been praddling on and on about personal responsibility when it comes to cheating. The responsibility of the cheater to be open and honest about the fact that they might just not be able to do monogamy, or their severe unhappiness in a relationship and their responsibility to not hurt their partner and destroy their relationship by keeping a one time slip up to themselves. I’ve also gone on and on about how the person who got cheated on can’t just play the victim card, that they need to own up for either dating known scumbags or making their partner so miserable they feel the need to fuck someone else. There’s one more person who needs to take responsibility here, the person with whom the cheater cheateded. Don’t worry, this will be short.

Dear mistress/whatever the male version of a mistress is, this only applies to you if you know the person you’re going down on has a significant other. You have to know that this is a toxic situation to get yourself into. It’s messy. You have to be ready to handle the fall out. You don’t know this person’s partner, they could be crazy, they could be in a position to somehow harm you physically or emotionally. Or worse yet, you could know their partner, and you lose a friend, a co worker, you lose your job. There’s nothing wrong with going after what you want, but be sure that this piping hot cock/pussy is worth it. Especially the friend part. I think that’s one of the worst things you can do to a person, fuck your friend’s partner, I’m an open minded guy, and I don’t think people are shitty, as a whole, I really don’t, BUT, that does, in fact, make you a massive piece of shit.

If you’re a long term mistress/whatever the male version of a mistress is, know that they are not going to leave their husbands/wives for you. Or they would have already. By all means, have your fling, but don’t do it because you think that there’s a real future. Even if there was (there isn’t) do you really want to be with a person who cheated and dragged on this long? Once again, I know there are reasons people cheat and so I don’t think they are undateable monsters, but, I would be hesitant to see a future with a person who I know, for whatever reason, is a cheater. That this is how they handle a bad time in a relationship. Even if I’m fully aware you’re cheating on your lover with me because they abuse you in some way, or they are neglectful, in my mind now this is what you do in rough times, you cheat. You find someone else to bare your soul to and then you swallow his cock. I’ve been the other girl, and I have never dated the girls seriously after the incident. Just have enough self respect and self awareness to know that at some point you might be in their position. And once again, I cannot stress this enough: They will NOT leave their partner for you (assuming this is an ongoing for years and years kind of thing) Don’t expect them to.

So by all means, rock out with your cock out, hang out with your wang out, vag out with your vag out, but just be sure you know what you’re getting into. It’s a messy, awful, toxic fucking situation, even if it is just some orgasms between consenting adults in your mind, that big fat O comes with baggage.


The Cheater pt 2

The “victim” role in all this. Yeah, i used air quotes on that shit, well I guess literal quotes since this is written. You know what I meant. The person who got cheated on. I can’t call you a victim, I can’t feel sorry for you (at least not all the time). You played a role in your partner’s infidelity, whether you want to leave your pity party or not and admit it.

As I mentioned in my last post, my buddy cheated on his girlfriend. He tried talking to her numerous times and she refused to listen, and then painted him to be this major asshole because he cheated on her. I stand by my friend (bros ever before the hoes) BUT I will admit he should have just left her or forced her to talk before he cheated. This does not lift the blame from his (ex) girlfriend.

If your partner is unhappy, showing signs of being unhappy and you don’t think it’s important enough to address, or worse you ignore your partner’s cries for attention, whose fault is it really that your partner either bails or fucks someone else? Take responsibility for the indiscretion because you played a role in it. Do not fucking cry all over social media about how you are the victim of a person whom you gave everything to, when you didn’t, you didn’t give them the time or attention or whatever it is they tried telling you they needed from you.

Ladies, this next part is mostly about you, though some men do it as well: If you’re with someone who has a reputation for cheating, lying and all around assholery Do not you fucking dare flood social media or bother your friends, family, coworkers, dogs, cats, God himself, with the shocking news that this person cheated, lied, and was an all around asshole to you. I sincerely can’t believe that, so many years removed from high school, this is still an issue. I get the appeal, men with reputations are sexy, girls with reputations are sexy. They’re fun, they’re good with words and probably lots of other things with their mouths. But don’t assume that you’re special just because they tell you are, those smooth tongues are saying the same exact thing to the person they are fucking after they leave your place that night. Have some judgment guys, we’re all adults. Even if that person is scummy, I do not blame him/her/other for what they’ve done to you. You knew these things about this person when jumping in, and you chose to do that anyway. When it comes to people like this, yes they can change for the right person, BUT, life isn’t a romantic comedy. You can’t assume you are that right person. It doesn’t make you stupid, just sweet and naive so please don’t take this as me bashing you, but, also please understand that there are clear warning signs that come with guys/gals like this. And I’m not saying never date people who have reputations for being a cheater or a player or what have you, but, have some reservations. Set some rules, have an open-minded and honest conversation about it with them and see if monogamy is really what they want, take it slow, fuck them for sure (I’ve heard they were amazing at it) but don’t throw that dreamy fucking boyfriend/girlfriend label on it until you both are sure that you really are that angel sent to save them from their ways. And if it turns out that you may not be that special to them but you are to someone, and by that I mean me. If you’re reading this, I think you’re what the kids call #bae (whatever the fuck that means).

If you cheated on your partner in the past, and you’ve worked on it and all is forgiven, know that things are not all forgotten. Maybe your lover feels like they’re owed one. Maybe it comes up over drinks and all those feelings of betrayal and hurt come back and fueled by alcohol they want to make you feel like that, just once. It’s shitty, and not an excuse, but take some responsibility for the fact that they fucking tried. They had to deal with the shitty thing you did because you either told them or were so careless you got caught. And they worked on it with you and dealt with all those shitty things you made them feel and bottled it up because at the end of the day you still fucked up and they had to deal with it, they were hurt, (Granted they should read this post and take responsibility for why you cheated in the first place) but as the person who cheated first, understand where they are coming from and why they might have done it.

The final thoughts: take responsibility, man the fuck up. (Anyone else have deja vu? That seems to be a recurring trend in this series of posts) If you are neglecting your partner, refusing to listen, not fucking, not blowing, not eating that pussy, not going out, taking out frustrations on, or any number of other things to your partner then don’t instantly play the victim card. Try and think about why they did this to you. It hurts, and yes you are completely allowed to be hurt and angry and sad, but, try to see that you did play a role in all this.The ball is in your court now though. After you’ve done that, and you think you can understand, you get to decide if this relationship is still something you want. My honest opinion, I think you crazy can work it out. You’re great together. If this person is truly sorry and truly ready to spend the next 20, 30, 40, 50 years with you, what’s one stray fuck got on that? I think this is why love truly is work. You, person who was betrayed, have to work on forgiving this person in your life while also working on those reasons that lead to your partner’s infidelity. Your partner needs to learn that there are better ways to get what they want other than fucking someone else while being incredibly sensitive to the fact that you are trying so hard to make it work.

Hang in there. You’re magic, but you do make mistakes. Don’t just fall on the “What have I done to deserve this” grenade. Instead, take some time feeling hurt and betrayed. But then dust yourself off and think long and hard about why this actually did happen. If you played a part in it, not that you’re to blame, but rather, that you also made mistakes that lead up to the massive mistake they made. Then either rebuild what was damaged, or learn something for next time.


P.S. I’m fully aware sometimes you truly did nothing wrong and your partner just kind of fucked you over. If you do some self-reflection and realize that you were a great significant other, and your partner doesn’t have a reputation for being a scumbag, then my heart goes out to you and this post isn’t one you can relate to. But self-reflection on things was still helpful I’m sure, so you’re welcome just the same.

The Cheater pt1

What an asshole. That’s what my buddy’s (now ex) girlfriend is screaming at him when I head to pick him up. I can hear it down the hall. He comes out, she slings some more curses, some “I fucking gave you everything”‘s etc etc. He looks like shit. I, wanting to keep a light heart, make sure to tell him so.

He rambles on and on about how he fucked up. How, yes things were bad and have been bad for a long time and he kept trying to talk to her but she didn’t want to listen. I kept comforting him with drinks and putting my hand on his knee wondering if he’s actually single. Laughter ALWAYS is the best medicine.

Then it hits me. He tried to talk to her. He wanted to let her know he was unhappy and he was out at a friend’s show and met a girl who made him feel happy. And he told this little minx that he was in a committed (though not happy) relationship. And this woman decided he deserved a girl who would listen. So she did, for weeks. He vented to her and she comforted him and they are both gorgeous people with functioning private parts. And you know how it ended.

I’m rethinking about these events and wondering if this was entirely his fault. I think there are two types of people who cheat. People who just cannot handle monogamy and people who are in unhappy relationships. I think it’s up to every individual to figure out where you swing on that spectrum and own the fuck up to it.

You hate being in a relationship? That’s fine. There are millions of people who are just like you. Be honest. Tell your partner that while you love them and want to be with them always you cannot ignore the call of the wild. I can understand a once in a life time mistake, BUT, a serial cheater, really? Sad thing is I don’t even want to call you a bad person. You’re just doing you and letting your freak flag fly sky high, props, BUT, don’t string along another human being as you do it. That does make you a shitty person.

You’re unhappy? It happens. I’m sorry my brother/sister/brosis/sisbro. But you have to talk that shit out. We’re not in high school anymore. You can’t just fake it hoping you’ll make it. You’ll probably slip like my buddy did. And then you will feel awful and come clean and make your partner feel awful and probably nuke your relationship. Talk about it, make them sit down and listen to you. If they refuse to then rethink your happily ever after because your companion isn’t thinking enough about it. And if you do happen to slip because some sexy girl with a pixie cut and an impossible tank top at a rock show decides you need to be heard, and felt, and you know… fucked, it’s up to you to decide what that means. My buddy decided it was the end of that relationship. She refused to work with him, even after he met his friend he kept trying to talk to her about their issues and she turned a blind eye. So he left her, he’s fuck buddies with rocker girl and friends with me so he’ll be, as the kids say, alright. But you, you are different. If you truly love and want to be with your partner and you made a horrible mistake and you know it will never happen again, suffer in silence. Sounds like warped, shitty, half baked advice – and it just might be, BUT, but, you telling your partner will only seriously hurt them in a way that takes years to heal. You may not even be with them after that and you ruined them for the next person. You slipped, whether your partner’s neglect or refusal to communicate, or fuck, or go out with you, or notice you, or whatever helped you or not, YOU slipped. Not them. Don’t hurt them like that if you truly love them and want them to stick around.

But always own up for your shit. Being poly-amorous is thing. So is swinging. If you cannot live life according to the, relatively modern, societal model of monogamy, then don’t. But don’t be a lousy person and string partner after partner along with you on your escapades. If you are unhappy, then tell them. Yell, scream, threaten to leave, do whatever you have to do to get their attention. Make them understand that you two, as a couple, are fucking dying. Try to talk some air back in, and if opportunity presents itself, fuck some life back into that relationship. If you do slip, if you are out and not happy and it’s a perfect storm of charm and wit and long legs or strong arms and whiskey and tequila and kind words of flattery, but you swear it was a mistake and it’ll never happen again, that is your burden. You deal with what you’ve done. You take responsibility for your guilt and your actions and you use that to add as incentive to re think your relationship, and if it’s one you want to keep, make sure they know just how dangerous and careless they’re being by not talking shit out.


(PS, this is the first of 3. The next part will address the person who was cheated on and the final part is addressed to the third party in the affair)

Tinder Tirade

I’m angry. I don’t understand how all of you can be so beautiful and so smart and yet so fucking dumb sometimes. The internet is here, and we have things like okcupid and plentyoffish and eharmony and jdate and christianmingle and fucking geek2geek and all sorts of other shit that matches you with someone based on compatibility. Yet everyone wants to butcher a free app and allow it to wreak havoc.

I’m talking about tinder. Tinder is not designed to find a soul mate. Tinder isn’t meant for finding a date to your sister’s wedding or a last minute valentine to suffocate with affection. Tinder is used to FUCK. Period. Point blank. There’s no deeper meaning into it. I’m having a hard time understanding how people don’t see this. It’s the most shallow thing in the universe. It’s not you see a guy/girl in a bar and don’t think much at first but then you talk to them or they talk to you and sparks fly. It’s this person’s hot, no, nope, hell to the nizzo, yes, yes, let me see more pictures…no. No chemistry to be had.

All that being said, I have no problems with tinder. I love tinder. My problem is you people ruining this beautiful gift from the interwebs. Don’t make boys look like assholes because you meet them and they make their intentions clear: I am here to hit it and quit it. And don’t make girls look like sluts because they decided they want sex without a relationship. Power to you women, seriously, I have a huge problem with “slut” shaming. Be proud of your inner lioness and get yours.

There is barely a profile on tinder. There’s no questionnaire, no personal opinion questions, nothing at all to dictate how well you and the person you’re swiping right on will get along. There’s just pictures. It matches you based on who is online and near you. So be shallow, embrace that shit. You think someone is out of your league because they’re hot, swipe right and when they swipe back (Why wouldn’t they? Have you seen you?! I’ll throw a shot at you right now) understand that it’s purely physical attraction. This hottie with a body doesn’t give a shit about your problems that day, they just want to fuck you. That’s what the app was designed for.

Now, I’m not saying things can’t or shouldn’t blossom into more, I’m just saying don’t expect anything more. You want connection, intimacy, relationship material? Hit up an actual dating site, do not hop on tinder and get pissed that the person you’ve been fucking for the last week doesn’t hit you up before 11. Don’t hold it against them. Hold your body against them. What’s a few orgasms between strangers?


The elusive wall [ Ally ]

You know those people who put up walls to block people out? That’s me. That’s sooooo me. You hear people saying that all of the time. But why? Why do we put walls up?

We put them up so we don’t have to feel anything.

Love is hard. It’s hard to put yourself out there. It’s hard to love someone with the potential of knowing you could get hurt in the process. Love sucks. But if you don’t love, then you don’t know the pain of loss, nor do you know the love of love.

4 years ago I was in the greatest pseudo relationship I’ve ever had. I was with an amazing guy, who was my best friend. I truly loved him. I still love him. Though, not in the same way that I did back then. Back then I loved him as my best friend. Now, I love him as the person who changed me. Looking back now, I know it wasn’t the greatest relationship to be in, but I will never regret a single day spent together. He opened me up. He opened me up right before I closed down.

4 years ago, I went to Harrisonburg to greet my sister back from the Middle East. 4 years ago…I found out my sister had been sexually assaulted. That was the worst day of my life, and I will never forget it. My sister and I are 15 months apart. We know everything about each other. We have a twin connection with one another. I know when something is wrong with her, and her with I, even 100 miles apart. I know this happened to my sister, but it still took a great affect on me. Everything in my life suddenly changed, and even to this day, I still can’t grasp the whole situation.

4 years ago was when I shut down my relationships. Not only with guys, but with everyone.

I don’t remember how that psuedo relationship ended, but it did. Then came along another guy. I didn’t let him in the same way I had let in the previous guy. This new guy and I (who I talked about in my previous post) clicked right away. It was magical. Our thing lasted for 2 years, until he left. I still to this day don’t know why he put up with me for that long. However, I couldn’t let him in. I ended up hurting him, and I still regret that.

Not only did I shut him out, but I also shut my friends out. I built up such a wall, that I stopped cuddling with friends, or accepting hugs and everything else. I was so scared and distraught over the potential of being hurt by everyone in my life, that I didn’t know what to do.

Part of me still doesn’t know what to do half of the time.

My point is: I’m trying. My sister has moved on with the situation. She is married to an amazing guy. So, how did she let love in after everything she went through, and how come I’m having such trouble?

I need someone to break down this wall. I need someone to please just allow me the time it takes to love them, be with them, and for them to let me know that they won’t hurt me. I know there’s that potential. I know. But, I just need a friend. Someone who understands me, and my back story. Or at least this half of it. I need help breaking down the wall I’ve so heavily built up.

I need someone to love me. To love me for me and the messed up, neurotic case that I am.

I’ve been working on myself – and I think I’m getting better. The wall is coming down.

We all need to break the barriers down in our lives that we’ve built up. We need to learn to depend on one another for support, instead of shutting people out. One thing I’ve learned today, is that nothing good comes from depending on just you. I’ve gotten to way further places by allowing people into my life and letting them help me. We all have issues, and we all need people to bring life and love into our lives to help fix them.


Be The String

My biggest flaw when it comes to relationships is that I mostly only want what I can’t have. Sounds like a broad thing that applies to everyone, but, I promise, you won’t be let down; my special brand of assholery is all over this.

I, like most of you, want what I can’t have. The difference is during the chase. Most people either give up fawning over that untouchable shiny piece of candy and take what they can get OR they get what they wanted and are happy and love it. Not I Rabbi. If I can’t get what I want, I settle, for a blow job, or a night or five of great sex but nothing more. And then I’m done. I don’t mean to hurt or use people, they just aren’t what I want, and I don’t believe in settling. The biggest issue with this is what happens when I get what I want. When I get my hands on the woman I’ve been chasing and lusting after. I get bored. I get neglectful. I forget just how badly I wanted her. That old saying, for every beautiful woman there’s a man who’s tired of fucking her. Growin up I thought that man was a real asshole, I can’t begin to describe how bummed I was when I realized that I’m the asshole. I feel very strongly about a certain girl now. She’s sexy, funny, smart, she busts my balls and is up for all types of intercourse. I’m crazy about her. As far as shiny pieces of candy our of our reach go, she’s a red gummy bear. The high quality ones, with some strawberry creme and caramel inside. But I’m terrified that she’ll finally give in and take a leap of faith on the likes of me and I’ll return to old patterns, and I’ll hurt her.

You really can’t blame people for playing this fucked up hot and cold game. It works. Like a cat playing with a piece of string. If you just give it the string, it walks away. Dangle right above the head, and that cat will lose it’s fucking mind trying to get it. All my obnoxious cat lovers who constantly are babbling on about how their cat is just like a little person (shut the fuck up by the way), we are incredibly alike in this aspect. We’re all just cats, we all just want the dancing string. I just happen to like this game a little more than most people. I don’t know why. Whether I’m the cat or the string, I love this exciting, frustrating, disheartening, sexy, bullshit game. I’m, honestly, not even that great at it.

I don’t know what I would do if I were to make it stick with someone. I feel like living happily ever after would kill me. I’ve heard before that sometimes longing for something is better than actually having it. That satisfaction is the death of desire. Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of. Losing that spark, that desire, that -insert more bullshit here-. Then again maybe I’m just an asshole. A special breed of asshole mind you, but an asshole nonetheless. Or maybe it’s time for me to grow the fuck up and try out different moves.