The “victim” role in all this. Yeah, i used air quotes on that shit, well I guess literal quotes since this is written. You know what I meant. The person who got cheated on. I can’t call you a victim, I can’t feel sorry for you (at least not all the time). You played a role in your partner’s infidelity, whether you want to leave your pity party or not and admit it.
As I mentioned in my last post, my buddy cheated on his girlfriend. He tried talking to her numerous times and she refused to listen, and then painted him to be this major asshole because he cheated on her. I stand by my friend (bros ever before the hoes) BUT I will admit he should have just left her or forced her to talk before he cheated. This does not lift the blame from his (ex) girlfriend.
If your partner is unhappy, showing signs of being unhappy and you don’t think it’s important enough to address, or worse you ignore your partner’s cries for attention, whose fault is it really that your partner either bails or fucks someone else? Take responsibility for the indiscretion because you played a role in it. Do not fucking cry all over social media about how you are the victim of a person whom you gave everything to, when you didn’t, you didn’t give them the time or attention or whatever it is they tried telling you they needed from you.
Ladies, this next part is mostly about you, though some men do it as well: If you’re with someone who has a reputation for cheating, lying and all around assholery Do not you fucking dare flood social media or bother your friends, family, coworkers, dogs, cats, God himself, with the shocking news that this person cheated, lied, and was an all around asshole to you. I sincerely can’t believe that, so many years removed from high school, this is still an issue. I get the appeal, men with reputations are sexy, girls with reputations are sexy. They’re fun, they’re good with words and probably lots of other things with their mouths. But don’t assume that you’re special just because they tell you are, those smooth tongues are saying the same exact thing to the person they are fucking after they leave your place that night. Have some judgment guys, we’re all adults. Even if that person is scummy, I do not blame him/her/other for what they’ve done to you. You knew these things about this person when jumping in, and you chose to do that anyway. When it comes to people like this, yes they can change for the right person, BUT, life isn’t a romantic comedy. You can’t assume you are that right person. It doesn’t make you stupid, just sweet and naive so please don’t take this as me bashing you, but, also please understand that there are clear warning signs that come with guys/gals like this. And I’m not saying never date people who have reputations for being a cheater or a player or what have you, but, have some reservations. Set some rules, have an open-minded and honest conversation about it with them and see if monogamy is really what they want, take it slow, fuck them for sure (I’ve heard they were amazing at it) but don’t throw that dreamy fucking boyfriend/girlfriend label on it until you both are sure that you really are that angel sent to save them from their ways. And if it turns out that you may not be that special to them but you are to someone, and by that I mean me. If you’re reading this, I think you’re what the kids call #bae (whatever the fuck that means).
If you cheated on your partner in the past, and you’ve worked on it and all is forgiven, know that things are not all forgotten. Maybe your lover feels like they’re owed one. Maybe it comes up over drinks and all those feelings of betrayal and hurt come back and fueled by alcohol they want to make you feel like that, just once. It’s shitty, and not an excuse, but take some responsibility for the fact that they fucking tried. They had to deal with the shitty thing you did because you either told them or were so careless you got caught. And they worked on it with you and dealt with all those shitty things you made them feel and bottled it up because at the end of the day you still fucked up and they had to deal with it, they were hurt, (Granted they should read this post and take responsibility for why you cheated in the first place) but as the person who cheated first, understand where they are coming from and why they might have done it.
The final thoughts: take responsibility, man the fuck up. (Anyone else have deja vu? That seems to be a recurring trend in this series of posts) If you are neglecting your partner, refusing to listen, not fucking, not blowing, not eating that pussy, not going out, taking out frustrations on, or any number of other things to your partner then don’t instantly play the victim card. Try and think about why they did this to you. It hurts, and yes you are completely allowed to be hurt and angry and sad, but, try to see that you did play a role in all this.The ball is in your court now though. After you’ve done that, and you think you can understand, you get to decide if this relationship is still something you want. My honest opinion, I think you crazy can work it out. You’re great together. If this person is truly sorry and truly ready to spend the next 20, 30, 40, 50 years with you, what’s one stray fuck got on that? I think this is why love truly is work. You, person who was betrayed, have to work on forgiving this person in your life while also working on those reasons that lead to your partner’s infidelity. Your partner needs to learn that there are better ways to get what they want other than fucking someone else while being incredibly sensitive to the fact that you are trying so hard to make it work.
Hang in there. You’re magic, but you do make mistakes. Don’t just fall on the “What have I done to deserve this” grenade. Instead, take some time feeling hurt and betrayed. But then dust yourself off and think long and hard about why this actually did happen. If you played a part in it, not that you’re to blame, but rather, that you also made mistakes that lead up to the massive mistake they made. Then either rebuild what was damaged, or learn something for next time.
P.S. I’m fully aware sometimes you truly did nothing wrong and your partner just kind of fucked you over. If you do some self-reflection and realize that you were a great significant other, and your partner doesn’t have a reputation for being a scumbag, then my heart goes out to you and this post isn’t one you can relate to. But self-reflection on things was still helpful I’m sure, so you’re welcome just the same.