What Are You So Scared Of?

I think we all are afraid of getting into relationships and I really don’t know why or when this trend started. It seems like now everyone is either getting married the second the L word is dropped, as if waiting would mean these feelings would vanish or marriage is the only proof of love now. I’m bummed to know so many people my age or younger divorced already.

Or it’s the complete opposite extreme. Everyone is a relationshipphobe. Everyone is “just talking” now. I hate that expression. Remember the good ol days when you liked someone, and they liked you, and one of you got the balls to say it and then you were together? I do too, barely.

I don’t know where this fear comes from. A lot of it is honestly bullshit. I have a couple friends now who have strong feelings for someone, and are too afraid to admit these feelings. They’re afraid it might complicate things. My response to that is, complicate what? Your friendship that is essentially a lie? I’m not saying you can’t be friends with your crush, I am saying that don’t put so much value on a friendship where your intentions are NOT that of being the friendly boy/girl/trans next door. I know the feeling, I was there myself, and then I just said it, and it hasn’t complicated anything. She didn’t return the feelings and that mildly sucked, but, I’m not dead. I wasn’t so overcome with depression that there was no way out. She is still my friend. My good friend. So what are you so scared of?

I’m tired of our generation’s bullshit. We act as if we are the first ones to be cheated on, lied to, in an abusive relationship. I’m not saying those things are easily overcome, I’m saying we dwell on it and make it the end all be all of our worlds. We are a bunch of lethargic, self slut shaming cowards, and I think we need to break that.

If you like a person but not enough to be exclusive, say that. Be honest. Don’t lead them on and deny what you want under the guise of “oh, we’re just talking” And if you really like someone then tell them, don’t undervalue your feelings because your’e “just talking” and so things MUST be headed in the right way. All “talking” means is that you both are into each other but one or both of you isn’t sure it’s enough to stop them from seeing other people, or potentially someone they like more.

If you love a person, pick up the phone, make a plan and let them know. Worse case scenario: you mess up the friendship. I got news for ya, if your friendship can’t overcome something like that, it’s not that good of a friendship. It’ll be a little awkward but really, if the worse thing that happens is you feel a little silly for overvaluing someone’s presence in your life and you in theirs, sounds like a small price to pay for the best case scenario, ya know? So fellas tell her, grow some fucking balls. Girls, ovary up! Use those big beautiful lady balls and tell that person how you feel.

All that being said, I understand there are legitimate fears. Not just over hyped ones in our minds. I’m afraid of settling down. But not because of any of those reasons. I’m afraid in a month or 3 I’ll get bored. And I’ll wind up being the bad guy again.

Bottom line: there are legitimate fears to taking that leap to being “in a relationship.” Hell, the average life span has increased significantly over the past 100 years. Together til 60 is a lot different than together til 90. But just understand that there are worse things. I’m just tired of seeing everyone trapped in their own little bullshit romantic comedies, trying to give love a bad name until the one magically appears and saves them and they get married in a week. I’m not anti love. I LOVE love, so much that I don’t want to taint it with bullshit or fake it because I’m lonely and the girl with the right smile came up at exactly the right time. I live in the real world. Where love is something that just happens, but it takes effort to make it stay. Where marriage SHOULD but doesn’t always mean “til death do us part.” And I think now, with everything going on bashing our LGBT friends in more conservative states and countries, riots, racism, groups like ISIS, just so much human against human discrimination and violence, we could use a few more really happy endings, cheesey I love you’s and people not being afraid to take a leap of faith on something as simple as a boyfriend/girlfriend/transfriend


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