Today I wanna take a break from giving my half baked relationship advice to talk about something more important, self esteem. Without getting this thing unpacked, you can’t really have an awesome relationship. Right?
I’m a big guy. I always have been. And the thing I hate more than anything in the world is when my friends, the girl I’m with at the time, look at me and tells me that I’m not fat. Or when the girl next to me says “I think you’re sexy like this.” I don’t know what they are seeing when they look at me. I’m a fat boy, I love pizza and beer and ice cream and because I do love the gym lately, my muscles are coming in nicely and so I know I’m not morbidly obese but I am a chubby boy. What makes me angry is that people not seeing that means you don’t see how I feel about myself, or the rest of the world views me. I’m speaking out on behalf of all my hefty brothers and sisters who also want to change.
Let’s break this down. We know that society wants sexier, slimmer, hotter bods. You telling us the opposite, that we’re fine how are are, doesn’t do anything for us but make us wonder “If that’s the case, then why can’t I find a boyfriend/girlfriend. OR, If you love me as a friend, and I’m perfectly fine to you, why don’t you want to be with me?” We aren’t a stupid people, we know the answer is attraction. But people think that those answers are good enough because by being fat are are associated with being of lower intelligence. We’re also less likely to get promoted, make more money, live past 60. We are more likely, however, to have self esteem problems, body image problems, to be associated with laziness, selfishness and unattractiveness, and to die of any number of health problems and probably to do that alone.
I’m a fat boy and the past few months the only real friend I’ve had is the one that looked me right in the eye and told me that I don’t look good. That he was concerned. He’s the one that’s got me reevaluating my diet and hitting the gym twice a day. Down over 30 pounds. The rest of my friends don’t see it as a problem, and so I’ve been pushing them away. I mean, how could you not see how unhappy I’ve been with myself, especially lately? How can they not see that I have been lazy and selfish and really down on how I look with everything going on. And I know that I’m not the only one.
And I’m not saying that self esteem problems only affect the bigger people in the world. This is just the one I know. My bottom line, is that if you know you’re unhappy with yourself, something about yourself, and it’s something you can change. Change it. Send me a message and I’ll help you in anyway I can. I’m not your friends. I’m not going to tell you that you’re perfect and society has to change. I think it does, I want to live in a world where people can be happy and comfortable with who they are. But I’m a realist, and I know we don’t. And I know first hand that pretending nothing is wrong is a recipe for a fucking nightmarish disaster.
That’s what this blog has been for me lately. It’s me grasping at straws because I’ve been pretending that things are alright and that I’m happy and confident and blah blah blah for so long that now I’m just kind of crossing some dangerous lines because I need to experience something real. The last few weeks haven’t been great. And I know it’s because I’m unhappy and I don’t want other people to start losing their friends, making weird, sketchy, dangerous choices, or doing reckless things because of how unhappy they are.
So yes, I do think every human being is beautiful, I also know what it’s like to be made fun of while trying to run down the street, and I know what it’s like to be thankful that I was too out of breath to show how much that sucked.